Sexy!? Jesus

According to this T-Shirt created by TheSporkMan on Zazzle, Jesus has Sexy legs (and only costs $22.95).
According to Lady Gaga He wears red lace with halo of light hairstyles.

Ultrachrist: Get Ready for a Whole New Christ

In the movie "Ultrachrist" by Leisure Suit Media, Jesus Christ returns to the modern-day streets of New York City. Upon realizing he's completely out of touch with a reality, Christ seeks to learn the new culture and minister in a new way--a superhero kind of way. Ultrachrist, complete with Spandex outfit, cape and theme song, fights sin where he sees it. His father does not approve and wishes Christ would minister like he did back in the old days.


Christ picks up a couple of new friends in NYC. His soon-to-become-more-than-a-friend Molly helps him adjust to modern life and make the transformation into Ultrachrist. She also helps him find an apartment with two lesbians whose life style he approves. The trailer shows just how out of touch Jesus really is. He is also appalled to find many things out and even says, "The crucifix is the symbol of Christianity? I hated the crucifix. Ouch!"


During the course of the film, Christ battles the Antichrist who is disguised as the Park's Commissioner. He confronts a crotch-grabbing dominatrix. He even sings and dances; one song being the Pro-sex Savior song. "Ultrachrist" is availiable on DVD.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

Jesus isn't just fighting Satan anymore. He's fighting Vampires. These aren't just any vampires either. These are lesbian-flesh-stealing-vampires who wreak havoc in the Canadian city of Ottawa. Only Jesus can save the day.


Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is a low-budget Canadian film put out by Odessa Filmworks. According to the various reviews I've read, this new breed of Vampires has become innovative. They figured out a way to appear in the day time. They have kidnapped the lesbians of Ottawa and begun grafting the Lesbian-human skin into their own other-worldly skin so the sun no longer poses a problem. Not only has this created a massive lesbian shortage but now the Vampires can hunt in daylight. They are no longer forced to only lurk at night.


The only answer is Jesus Christ. The movie's trailer touts "In the new millennium, vampires no longer fear the sun. Now they're going to learn it's time to fear the Son of God." Jesus even has sidekicks, El Santo, a Mexican wrestler, and Mary Magnum, a gun-toting femme fatal in red leather. During the course of the movie Jesus gets an "Extreme Makeover". He goes from the traditional robe and long, flowing hair to "holey" jeans from the thrift store and some earrings. (I guess it's too difficult to beat up lesbian vampires in a robe.)


This b-movie seems to be a horror/musical/comedy/cult-film from the sounds of the several reviews available online.


Just like the website says “This sure ain’t Sunday school.”