Friday, February 04, 2005

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

Jesus isn't just fighting Satan anymore. He's fighting Vampires. These aren't just any vampires either. These are lesbian-flesh-stealing-vampires who wreak havoc in the Canadian city of Ottawa. Only Jesus can save the day.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is a low-budget Canadian film put out by Odessa Filmworks. According to the various reviews I've read, this new breed of Vampires has become innovative. They figured out a way to appear in the day time. They have kidnapped the lesbians of Ottawa and begun grafting the Lesbian-human skin into their own other-worldly skin so the sun no longer poses a problem. Not only has this created a massive lesbian shortage but now the Vampires can hunt in daylight. They are no longer forced to only lurk at night.

The only answer is Jesus Christ. The movie's trailer touts "In the new millennium, vampires no longer fear the sun. Now they're going to learn it's time to fear the Son of God." Jesus even has sidekicks, El Santo, a Mexican wrestler, and Mary Magnum, a gun-toting femme fatal in red leather. During the course of the movie Jesus gets an "Extreme Makeover". He goes from the traditional robe and long, flowing hair to "holey" jeans from the thrift store and some earrings. (I guess it's too difficult to beat up lesbian vampires in a robe.)

This b-movie seems to be a horror/musical/comedy/cult-film from the sounds of the several reviews available online.

Just like the website says “This sure ain’t Sunday school.”

1 comment:

jesus said...

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